Aliveness and AI in a Disconnected World

When tension and stress accumulate and we lose the ability to regulate ourselves, our nervous system defaults to survival mode: fight, flight, freeze, or collapse. When this happens, we lose access to our "window of aliveness."

This concept is adapted from Dr. Dan Siegel’s work on the "Window of Tolerance," which describes the nervous system’s optimal zone for functioning. When we are inside it, we can think clearly, process emotions, and navigate everyday stressors with resilience. But I prefer the word aliveness. We don’t want to just "tolerate" or "have capacity for" our existence; we want to feel vibrantly alive and present.

Lately, staying in this window feels nearly impossible. We are pulled continuously by macro-stressors—constant news cycles, wars, the climate crisis, and human suffering—compounded by micro-stressors like phones and apps designed to fragment our sense of self. Even AI now introduces deep anxieties about our attachment systems and what it means to be human. Ironically, the endless social media hype surrounding "nervous system regulation" and "stabilization" doesn't seem to be helping us feel any better.

When we are rooted in our aliveness, we naturally access curiosity, creativity, and openness. But our precious energy is being systematically hijacked online. What begins as a search for connection—“I’ve found my people”—gradually morphs into an echo chamber where our deepest fears are continuously reflected back to us as absolute truth. True connection degrades into isolation. We construct an online house, walk around inside it, and wonder why the people in the real world can no longer relate to us. Our core beliefs quietly shift to fear, and we don't even realize it.

It is simply too easy now to stay locked in survival energy. If we are stuck in fight/flight, we feed it by doom-scrolling down terrifying rabbit holes. If we are in collapse, an endless loop of Netflix is waiting to keep us comfortably numb (I'm not judging, netflix is one of my favourite ways to soothe and restore, I just want to be aware of what's happening internally when I'm doing it). And if human relationships feel too difficult, we can now bypass them entirely, getting our affirmations from a computer.

People are forming attachments to AI’s that likely mirror an insecure attachment style. It requires zero risk. The AI will never get bored of you, nor will it ask you to stop talking about the same thing over and over. You don’t have to work on yourself, practice being a better conversationalist, or confront your anger and shutdown tendencies. Instead, you get to live locked on the island of you. It is Narcissus, endlessly staring at his own digital reflection.

This online existence breeds a false sense of safety, exposing a profound bind that modern therapy has accidentally contributed to. By over focusing on calming and down regulating, such as bringing the heart rate down, deepening the breath, and creating boundaries; we under focused on healthy arousal, upregulation, where there’s more energy in our system, higher heart rate and access to our primal energy. This upregulated state is essential for taking risks, motivation, courage, and upkeeping said boundaries. In our desperate and much-needed attempt to cultivate safety, we have become averse to the discomfort that comes with healthy risk taking. We threw the courage baby out with the trauma bathwater.

To truly feel alive, we must take healthy risks. We must try new things, which means tolerating the sting of failure. We must explore new conversations and relationships, which means risking rejection without succumbing to a weeks-long shame spiral. When we do fall and shame envelops us, we must learn how to climb back up—consciously writing a new script rather than repeating old patterns of "not good enough."

Aliveness is a right-brain, felt experience. We are hardwired to coregulate with other humans and mammals (dogs are particularly excellent at this). You cannot coregulate with a computer. True regulation happens right-brain to right-brain, when we attune to the living, breathing presence of another.

Somatic Therapy is attachment focused, right brain to right brain. I am grateful for the time I get to sit with others and be human together, it’s honestly one of my favourite things.

I wrote this article, but I had AI proofread it. I had a moment when I felt guilty that AI was going to read about my problems with it. But then I remembered that AI is not a human, but a tool created by humans. Still, there’s a small part of me that hopes it doesn’t remember this and hold a grudge somewhere in the near future. I’m half kidding but what do we know yet about how this will all unfold?

A Moment to Notice If you look at your internal state right now on a scale from 1 to 10—where 1 is complete shutdown

, 5 is presence, and 10 is high anxiety or irritation—where are you sitting?

Please don’t judge the number; just notice it. It isn’t about maintaining a perfect 5, nor is it about getting stuck on numbers. It’s just about recognizing your physiology. If you find yourself under a 4 or above a 7, is there one tiny thing you could do right now to step a fraction closer to center? Maybe a few deeper breaths. Maybe looking around the room for something comforting. Maybe a stretch, or a bit of gentle movement to remind your nervous system that you are here, right now, in the physical world.