The Four Brahma Viharas – 4 Ways to Love what’s Arising

“In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?” – Jack Kornfield

Anyone who’s done therapy knows how important compassion is to healing but also how difficult it can be to muster. Finally feeling the wounded and vulnerable parts of ourselves that we have kept hidden in service of survival can be incredibly scary. Yet there is a huge relief when we can finally love them into awareness, finally giving affection, attention, time and presence to our younger selves. Self compassion is often one of the hardest skills for us to learn because we’ve often had years of experience turning away from our most tender feelings usually because it wasn’t safe or supported to feel them back then.

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” - Jack Kornfield

The Four Brahma Viharas are Buddhist virtues or qualities of the heart that bring us in touch with our truest self, the best parts of human nature. Brahma Vihara can be translated to “divine abode”, qualities of the heart we can abide in.  They are practices that truly support us when we feel groundless.

They are Metta (loving kindness), Karuna (compassion), Mudita (empathetic or sympathetic joy), and Upekkha (equanimity).

Loving Kindness (Metta) or benevolence is love in the face of goodness. This is the basic goodness or wholesomeness that exists within each of us even if it’s been covered over by our wounds. It is the sincere desire for all beings to be happy, safe, and loved.

Practice: Bring your awareness to your heart center. You might begin by bringing to mind innocent beings that are easy to feel love and goodness towards; babies, animals, plants. Notice how your heart responds are you bring basic goodness into your minds eye. Say gently inwards or outwards:

“May you be filled with loving kindness, May you be happy, May you be at peace“

Compassion (Karuna) is love in the face of suffering.

Practice: Bring to mind a moment of suffering, either your own or someone else's. Send loving kindness. Practice staying soft and open as you both feel the suffering and send metta. Notice any tension that might arise without judgement. Notice any parts that emerge, perhaps a "fix it" part or another wounded part. Can you love it too?

Appreciative or Empathetic Joy (Mudita) is love in the face of someone else's good fortune.

Practice: Bring to mind someone's good fortune, success, or happiness. Let your heart stay soft and open as you send them metta or well wishes.

Equanimity (Upekkha) is love in the face of groundlessness or helplessness. It is keeping a stable mind, an open and balanced heart in the midst of everything. Love in helplessness, love in the midst of it all.

Practice: In a moment of suffering, even with things that are overwhelming (ex. climate change) can I still love? Can I be soft and tender with my own heart even now?